OCEANGRAVE
LYRICS
All my life was a struggle
To get back home
But I never had a home
And through the never I’ll be gone
Once I saw a white bird
Get crushed by a vehicle
His blood so fast turned grey of dust
And the bird became the road
But I cannot win the freedom of the sky
Through this earthly body
But rather fall into the lake with beasts
Or wander on the barren forest
A sudden metanoia renews me
And I live again as another
The burden of pain disappears
By the relief of losing everything
Great are the works of the soul
When done away of watching eyes
In absolute solitude the spirit howls
As it returns to innocence
But will there be found enough water
To wash away the blood
Can there be shed enough blood
To undo the evil one
How many souls have I led astray
By uttering foolishness
And how many I might have saved
When in silence I remained
I dared to drain this ocean of pain
By a candle fire
Only to please my pride
And get lost into the depths
But a useless lumber passes by
As a guide on my ride
Towards the endless shores
And a never ending home
Just as the waves of the lake reflect
A thousand suns to you
My face also hides the opaque
Dark waters from the surface
When rain hits my skin again
It will reveal only itself
And help me conceal
What a tear might confess
***
A Dark River
I close my eyes
Open them in a thousand years
Too tired to remember
Why are we here?
4380 days.
Will you change?
What would you give to stay?
And now, each night I count the stars
And each night I get the same number.
And when they will not come to be counted
I will count the holes they leave.
And now, each night I count my ribs
And each night I get the same number.
And when they will not come to be counted
I will sleep in flames, waiting to burn out.
The city lights are the same
But the streets look unfamiliar
You can return to the past
But no one is there anymore.
So hey! Let’s dance, the old dance
The one where you is I and I is you
Cause it has been so long
Listening to a music
That is you.
The ruins of us
Colossal statue of loss
Daughters of time,
The hypocritic days
To each I offer gifts and my will
Bread, kingdoms, stars
And sky that holds them all.
And now, each night I count the stars
And each night I get the same number.
And when they will not come to be counted
I will count the holes they leave.
And now, each night I count my ribs
And each night I get the same number.
And when they will not come to be counted
I will sleep in flames, waiting to burn out.
***
Parhelion
Pulled,
Into and from death
You have never experienced pain
And nothingness
The way I did
The terror of ceasing to exist
A soothing familiarity
A peek at another dying me
Here, is what’s not real
Hold me, father
I cannot feel a thing
Hold me, friend
I thought you as someone else
I can still see
The fisheye closing in
And I can still feel
The nothing left of me
I cry, I try
I scream to no avail
I can feel I’m not real
How can this torment me
Hold me, my dear
My memory shut you out
Hold me warming presence
As I fall into abyss
Where am I?
This is what’s not real.
***
Fertile Grounds
Someone.
Alone.
In the heart of the Earth.
Pierced from a betraying knife.
Bare heart.
Bare arms.
Nails deep the palms.
An Ocean,
Burning at night.
I am bound to let you go.
I wish I forget.
I wish I sometimes can.
Your time cannot be mine.
Cut my hands,
When you see blood,
Don’t forget to breathe.
Dream in that warmth.
Nail my torn flesh to the Ocean
So the water will always remember you
My dearest scattered heart,
I wish I could shelter you from all pain.
***
A Cement Filled Tree
I am a transparent eyeball
I am nothing
I see all
I am the ruins of your smile
I am totemic
I am the head against the wall
I wrote you a bible with tears.
A grey loneliness is rising from earth
Silent and radiant.
Shadows grew, bloodless and empty.
You betrayed me, with knives
How comfortable are you doing it?
“Sometimes an abyss opens before my eyes
that seems to extend to the centre of the earth.
With what can you fill that?
With lassitude? With longing?
With happiness? What happiness?
With despair? With death?
(I don’t know how to play the part until it’s over.
Neither in piano nor in life.
I never knew. I have always been too carried away.
Always too impatient. Something always got in the way.
Something always broke.
But who knew how to play his part before the end?
And if so, who did it work for?”)
I become unspoken
Who is innocent?
For death done by hands
Suicide has cause and stillborn logic
Cancelling physics with a sneer.
Forming textures with wicked stones.
Around me the oaks and fires
Over me soared the eternal sky
Full of light and deity.
Again I saw, again I heard
The failing river, the black bird
I yielded myself to the perfect whole.
Are you there?
Do you feel the soul?
We are all sliding towards the edge
We will lose everything we have to lose.
When did life stop feeling like this?
We’re never supposed to wake, and remember.
The bird trims itself to the gale.
I trim myself to the storm of surrender.
A blackbird sang an ancient rhyme
Singing at dawn the universe’s song
Spreading her wings
covered my head with coil grime
A human voice to my ear… and I drown.
***
The Day and The Last Sun
Is it true what I say to myself
That the world is slipping below my feet
Or should I believe the bright future
You’re putting on my hands
So please remember me
As somebody else
Imagine a smile into my face
Imagine a future that I am still here
A warm embrace in a cold day
Departing at dawn when knives are drawn
I am finding a good rope
A pendant bright Star
Evaporating my lungs
So please remember me
As your last Sun
Imagine a too far hand
Imagine the future that I never lived
A warm goodbye in a seized day.
Let the sky fall down so I
Can belong where I was meant to be
Let the sun melt down my being
Tear out the darkness and the memories
Count the stars
Now wish for me
Close my eyes
With yours
Watch the hurt bleed away
Cut your name
Onto my flesh
All this blood
Is my offering
To you.
I want you to know
It’s time to trade this life
For tears.
Gather them
Write a bible
And for every prayer,
Count a rib
My love
You will always be
The end of me.
And soon enough the memories
Would be replaced with another me
Until they fade away in the wind
And let you go wherever you need
Maybe it’s fun to lose the game
Maybe it’s fun to do the same
Should I try out once more
To become something more
But it’s hard to drop the old
Getting out of a small world
And it’s hard to drop the pills
Getting up on my own feet.
Let the sky fall down so I
Can belong where I was meant to be
Let the sun melt down my being
Tear out the darkness and the memories
***
Flowers of Woe
Frozen smiles in a time gone by,
Reminding me, I was not alone.
For the sun that we could share,
Distant winters were to blame.
Longing for a day that is no more
I breathe your name, deprived.
For the dawn, concealed, deceived us
And you were bathed in gloom, alone.
Engraved on my shoulder
I will carry on our frozen smiles,
A moment in time when we felt alive.
Carry on my brother, until
My flesh dissolves with the springs
That fed the flowers of your woe!
Carry on you burning ember
Through my dissonant voice, and scorch this mortal coil
And the winds will scream, until
There is no one left to breathe your name!
Oh Woe!
Chant! Chant!
To a second coming, to a new life in remembrance
Life! Life!
To all that were saved, to whom your days were gladly given.
Return! Return!
Converse selflessness to bring you back from grace.
Back! Back!
From the mighty havens beyond the corrupted chaos.
We are! We are!
The left behind, the sorrowful cries that held you down
Cries! Cries!
Weeping currents left your paths flooded, unpaved.
Chant! Chant!
This is your blessing, the rest are soon to follow
Chant! Chant!
To your second coming,
Here’s to never fade away!
You left for the open skies
To a faraway land
Where time withheld
Memories and goodbyes
Goodbye…
Carry on my brother, until
My flesh dissolves with the springs
That fed the flowers of your woe!
Carry on you burning ember
Through my dissonant voice, and scorch this mortal coil
And the winds will scream, until
There is no one left to breathe your name!
Oh Woe!
***